Children are funny #31 - 40
[31]
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you can ask him."
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[32]
A Child's Prayer overheard..."Our father, who does art in heaven, Howard is his name....".
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[33]
A little boy walked to and from school daily. On one particular morning, the weather was questionable as clouds were forming and the sky was gray, but the little boy made his daily trek to the elementary school anyway.
As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up and the thunder and lightning began to roll. The mother of the little boy was concerned that her son would be frightened as he walked home from school and feared that the electrical storm might harm her child. Following a roar of thunder, lightning would cut through the sky like a flaming sword! Worried, the mother got into her car and drove along the route to her child's school.
Upon finding her son, she noticed her little boy was walking along just fine, but at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up and smile. More lightning followed and with each one the little boy would look at the streak of light and smile.
The mother approached him in her car, lowered the window and asked him, "What are you doing?"
The child answered, "I am trying to look nice, God keeps taking my picture."
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[34]
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
His mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his little voice. "The big sissy."
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[35]
A 1/1/2 yr old toddler was being toilet trained and each time he went to sit on the toilet he would take off all his clothes to sit down. His mother would pick up all his clothes to put them back on him when he was done. She was also training him not to put paper in the toilet as they were on a septic system.
One time after he had flung off his clothes and the mother began to wipe his bum she thought that maybe it was time to teach him to do the job so she stopped wiping and giving him a fresh piece of paper, told him to finish doing it.
She then turned around to pick his clothes up and when she looked back he was standing up all finished. As she began to redress him she looked in the garbage but didn't see his toilet paper so she looked in the toilet expecting to see it even though she had been training him not to put it there but she didn't see it there either. She looked around on the floor figuring he had missed the toilet but still didn't see it, nor was it in his hands.
Looking at her child with puzzlement she asked him where the toilet paper was?
The little boy said, "It's wiping!"
She turned him around and saw nothing but when she pried apart his young cheeks there it was wadded and crammed into the area where it was expected to do its job.
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[36]
The day care teacher holds up a picture and asks, What's this?"
"A horsey," one child answers.
"And this?" the teacher asks.
"A piggy," replies another youngster.
"And now this one?" asks the teacher, holding up a picture of a male deer with a beautiful rack of antlers.
There was no answer, only total silence. "Come now, children," she coaxes, "I'll give you a little hint. What does your Mommy call your Daddy when he hugs and kisses her a lot?"
"I know! I know!!" exclaims one little girl.
"It's an old horny toad!"
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[37]
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.
She read, "...and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said... 'Holy shit! A talking pig!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 MINUTES.
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[38]
Like many young couples, we had put off making a will. When we finally consulted a lawyer, he advised us to decide, among other matters, who would get our children.
The night before our appointment, we brought up the topic at the dinner table. Following a general discussion of the will, we asked the children where they would like to go if something happened to Mom and Dad.
Without hesitation, our seven year old son shouted, "Disney Land!"
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[39]
"Susan" said the teacher, "I would like you to come up to the map and point out Australia to me."
"Ok" said Susan as she got up and went to the map and pointed to the island.
"Very good. Now, Brian, tell us who discovered Australia."
The boy replied, "Susan did."
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[40]
When my 5 year old son became ill with a sore throat I took him to the pediatrician. I was quite impressed with the way she handled him and how she directed most of her comments and questions to him.
She asked him if there was anything that he was allergic to and my son said yes and whispered something into her ear.
Smiling, the pediatrician wrote out a prescription and handed it to me. Without looking at it I placed it in my pocket and proceeded to leave.
When the pharmacist filled the order he remarked on the unusual food and drug interaction my son must have. When he saw my puzzled expression he showed me the label on the bottle of medicine.
As per the doctor's instructions, it read, "Not to be taken with broccoli."
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